Walking Through My Past

So much of who I am can be traced to those early days of my childhood living in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco. Back in those days, Noe Valley was a working class neighborhood. We (my mother, brother and two sisters) relocated there after my mom and dad divorced. I had just turned six and was starting the first grade at Alvarado Elementary School. I can still remember my first walk to school. I was terrified and the building seemed larger than life. It was much the same when I first attended the church where I would receive my first holy communion. I can still remember looking up and feeling horrified seeing that cross for the first time. My home life, where I should have felt safe, was at times excruciating painful. Often I would feel dread as I approached the front door that led to the upstairs. I felt all those emotions once again when I walked through the neighborhood for the first time with my camera.

Not all was terrifying or painful. I have many fond memories of spending many hours in the park across the street from where I lived. Playing hide and seek or just hanging with friends, seemed to be the cure from my dread. There were the stairways and alleys that led us to places like the Castro, to play in the Muni tunnel, the movie houses on Mission Street or for a starting point to backyard hop that still conjures up feelings of youthful adventurism when I once again walked them.

I often have found healing in my art. This walk was a reminder of the work that went into not feeling haunted by my past and acknowledging the good that coexisted with the bad. With camera in hand, I can find a measure of solace when I walk through my past.